Photo Courtesy limaoscarjuliet

As the school year closes, parents often think about what’s next for their children. For many, that next step is Nursery School, 2 day Toddler classes, or Step Up Classes. This can be a nerve wracking decision as you wonder, is my child ready? How will my young child, who has never been left, cope? What should I do?

The first thing to know is that separation is a normal process that every child goes through. Children express their anxiety about being away from their parents and caregivers in many different ways. Some cry, cling, act out in class and at home, or separate well initially, and then cry a few weeks later. Adults going through separation from their children may be anxious, nervous, and even cry when they leave that very first day. Parents do not like to see their children upset, and this can often illicit responses in you, that you didn’t even know you were capable of.

Remember, this is a normal and important part of development. Children need to learn that it is alright to be away from their parents, and they are safe in other environments. Children also need to understand how to self-soothe. This is something that we work on during the time when they are infants, and keep working on throughout the child’s life. Once a child has learned to trust their teachers, and have understood that they are in a safe environment, they will begin to adjust to whatever classroom environment you have chosen for them.

This leads to the question of what class is right for my child? This is a very personal choice. No one knows your child better than you, and every child is different. As a mother of two boys who both started school at the age of two, their separation was night and day. My oldest son, Logan, cried for two months straight. I wish there had been a Step Up program for him, as I believe it would have been less traumatic for him. Step Up and 2 day Toddler classes, offered by Early Childhood, allow children to slowly separate in the classroom. The class meets two or three days a week, depending on the age of the child. Parents enter the classroom and help their children feel safe in their new environment. As the semester progresses, the teachers give advance notice when the next “Step Up” towards separation will take place.  Parents and caregivers slowly work their way out of the classroom. Though parents and caregivers remain right outside the classrooms, the children inside the classrooms begin to rely on the teachers to tend to their needs.

Kyle, my youngest child, would not have needed a slow separation. On the first day of school, he walked right in, waved good bye, and never looked back. He has always been my adventurous child, and though I was nervous from my past experience, I knew that he would be okay. This is not to say that Kyle did not show separation anxiety in his own way. He acted out a little, and even spoke about not wanting to go to school. In the end, though it was a much smoother transition and the right choice for him. Nursery school offers a learning experience for a longer period of time depending on the program you choose. It is beneficial for parents who are in need of consistent care, and is a truly valuable experience for any child whose parent feels they are ready.

After you make the choice that is right for your child, the question becomes, how do you cope with your own anxiety?  Here are some simple tips:

1. Ask! Teachers want you to be comfortable, so ask as many questions as you need to! It makes their job easier when you feel at ease!
2. Communicate! Let them know what you fears are, what’s going on with your child, and what your expectations are. If you are an open book, you’ll feel better and the teachers will have a better understanding of your child.
3. Trust! If you trust the teachers in your child’s class, so will your children! Remember you have done your research and made a wise choice.  Now, with your help, your teacher will be able to earn your child’s trust. So be positive and stay focused, that trust will soon be built.
4. Time! Remember, building trust takes time. Some children take a day, others take two months. This is a normal part of development.  Allow your child some time to adjust to their new surroundings.
5. Conference! If time has passed and your child seems inconsolable, work with your teachers to come up with a plan. If a teacher feels your child is not ready, they will let you know.
6. Plan! Remember this is as hard on you as it is on them. Have a plan for those first days of school. After your quick goodbye, plan to meet a friend, or do something that will keep you occupied. It is extremely hard to leave your child crying. So even if you plan to remain outside the classroom, bring an ipod, or something that will keep you busy. Planning ahead will help you remain calm.

Separation anxiety is something everyone goes through. Even as adults we tend to feel anxiety in new situations and when we meet new people. Children react the same way in those situations.  Understanding that separation anxiety is normal will help you meet the needs of your child.  Remember you are not alone and your child is not the only one going through this! Reach out to administrators, teachers, and other parents. They are your best source to listen, and even give some helpful tips. Remember, whether your choice is Nursery, Step Up, or Two Day Toddlers, when separation time arrives,  your child will be fine, and so will you!

Photo Courtesy limaoscarjuliet

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10. Every child throws tantrums. This is a normal part of life. There is no terrible 2’s or 3’s, all children go through phases and it’s normal. I know parents who will tell you that their child is going through the terrible 16’s!

9. Your child WILL learn! So what if Suzie knows how to read and your child doesn’t. Each child learns at his own pace. When he is ready he will work with you and learn, so don’t push it!

8. Every child needs to make a mess. A 4 year old is just that, a 4 year old. Don’t get upset over every mess you see. This is part of the learning process and part of the fun! Remember messes most often means that your child was attempting to do something on his own, and that is progress.

7. Every child needs to be babied once in awhile. No I am not telling you to break out the bottle for your four year old, but every once in awhile your child may ask you to help them dress or put on their shoes. Yes they know how to do it, but every once in awhile they want the security of knowing that you are willing to still help them. Why not do it?

6. They won’t be children forever. Treasure those moments and relax. They will not be drawing on the walls at 16 and dropping milk all over the floor. Remember relax and stay calm!

5. Your child needs memories. When they are older it will be too late. You want your child to remember all the great times he had growing up. Remember this, on their death bed no one ever says they wish they had worked more.

4. Every child needs a caregiver. Even if it’s that ten minutes of story time or chatting at bath time your child craves your attention and interaction. The more you give the more you get. They would much rather be with you then in front of a television.

3. Your child will eat. I know the doctor always tells you that, but its true so don’t worry. Unless your child has a serious medical problem, they won’t let themselves starve. The more you make meal time a battle the less they will want to eat.

2. You are your child’s role model. If you curse, yell, or give attitude, so will your child. Remember your child will want to be like you.

Photo courtesy Pixdaus.com

1. Your child is not perfect. Thinking like this sets you both up for failure. Understand your child’s imperfections because you will then have an accurate picture of your child. You will be able to accept feedback and help your child grow into a wonderful human being. Remember, accepting weakness does not mean you are negating strengths. What it does mean is that you understand the life that you are nurturing. Remember only ostriches should keep their head in the sand.

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Photo Courtesy of **spaceMonkey**

So your beautiful toddler goes off to the day care center and at pick up time the teacher tells you that your child has been caught lying. Embarrassment, anger, and frustration may start to creep in your mind, but my advice is relax! Chances are your child has lied at home, and even if he or she hasn’t you should not worry because this is an age appropriate reaction. Children at the mere age of 3 begin to understand how the world works around them. Part of understanding what that means is, figuring out that there are certain ways to get out of trouble! Of course they are going to try to lie to avoid being disciplined! It is how you react that will make all of the difference.

Here are a few tips to help you through:

*Don’t overreact. If your child lies at school chances are they have already faced the consequences of their actions. Its enough just to discuss with the child what occurred and express your disappointment. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes and that you can understand. Make it clear that although you are not happy with the mistake they made, what upsets you most is that they lied. This will reinforce the teacher’s punishment. Also let them know that the next time they lie in school you will be forced to add an additional consequence at home.

*If the lie occurs at home, then do not accuse the child of lying. This sets up the child to engage in an argument and lie even further. Instead stick to the facts (example: Timmy you say you didn’t color on the wall but I see your crayons, the wall colored, and it’s your height can you tell me how this happened?). If the child continues with the lie after you have pointed out the facts, let them know that you are disappointed that they did not tell you the truth. NEVER ACCUSE YOUR CHILD OF BEING A LIAR . It teaches them that you don’t trust them and creates such a negative connotation that you will be engaged in battles with your child for years to come. You want to teach your child that lying is wrong, not that they are bad for lying. Once your child has admitted the truth let them know that their mistake was just a mistake, but it was the lying that made it worse. Then let them know that while they have to fix their mistake, they need a consequence for the lie. I find that having the child help pick that consequence usually makes it more effective!

*Explain to your child what lying is. Let them know why it’s not okay to lie, and how people perceive them when they do. Read stories (i.e. “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” and “Lucy Tells Lies”) that discuss lying and show consequences. This will help your child understand the consequences of lying. Above all, don’t lie to your child! You are the example that they look up to. They need to trust your word and believe in you. If you don’t lie to them, eventually they will see that lying is wrong.

Remember, even though you may do the steps, your child may continue to lie and you may have to repeat these things all over again. The point is to keep the lines of communication open. Your child needs to understand that even if you have to have the ‘lying talk” with your child repeatedly you will. As long as you’re stern but loving with your child, eventually this lying phase will pass, and your child will learn that it is better to tell the truth! So hang in there!

See Also:

Children And Lying from American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry.
Getting Honest About Lying from IVillage
Three Lies Children Tell…and What You Can Do About Them
Telling lies: Info for Kids
Speaking To Your Child About Uncomfortable Topics…
When Is Your Child’s Behavior Inappropriate?

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Photo courtesy of Steve Navarro

In a world where Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant at 16, and Lindsay Lohan has just come out of rehab, it is hard to find people to look up to. Gone are the days where icons such as Mary Tyler Moore and Marie Osmond were positive role models for young girls. We have now reached an era where Britney Spears is continually showing her private area, and as mothers it may be hard to find a way to counteract these negative images. Here are a few ideas to aid in assisting your child in finding her way through this media madness:

• Always be honest with your child. It is almost impossible to avoid the constant media attention to all the negative behaviors around, so explain to your child what they are seeing. Let them know that these “icons” are regular people who make mistakes. Explain to your child that these behaviors are inappropriate and unacceptable. Remember, if you try to avoid it, they will hear about it somewhere else and then might idolize or emulate that behavior. Things that are kept secretive and that parents don’t want to talk about are always more intriguing to children.
• Always watch who and what your children are interested in. Make time to listen to music, peruse the internet and watch her favorite shows. Sure “Hannah Montana” is not on the most fun list for an adult to watch, but by keeping in tune with what your daughter is interested you are able to provide feedback about the “stars” they idolize, making her realize that they are just real people. This will hopefully make her realize that celebrities are not role models.
• Provide positive role models for your daughter. Tell your daughter interesting things family members have accomplished. If your daughter enjoys sports, then go to the library and look up famous athletes together. If your daughter enjoys music and singing, introduce her to different eras or rock and roll or pioneer female musicians. By reading about different celebrities you are making them real. You can show your daughter that women can be strong and accomplish their goals. Do some research, whether it is family or past related and it will help you daughter realize there is more to life than just the celebrities of the day.

Above all remember that whether she admits it or not, you are your daughter’s ultimate role model. She will always look to you for guidance on how to live your life. As long as you communicate with her and are honest, your daughter will idolize you. So in a world where we must contend with Vanessa Hudgens being nude and Paris Hilton making sex tapes remember, all hopes are not lost. be real, be honest, and keep the lines of communication open. Your daughter will thank you for it !

Does your child have trouble falling asleep at a consistent bedtime if he takes a nap? If your child is going to bed later and later when he takes a nap, then chances are he no longer needs a nap.

Although, before you end the nap completely try a shorter nap first. Some children may still need a 1/2 hour of rest just to keep themselves energized. Then you can gradually move on to a quiet rest time or a quiet activity time,

Is your child cranky by 5 or 6pm? If your child is crying , overlay active, or just plain out driving you nuts by the late afternoon. Children will act totally out of character or have “melt downs” when they are exhausted. Even if your child fights you put him to sleep! He needs it, and his body language and behavior are telling you that.

Does your child come home from school, fall asleep for an hour, and then wake up and refuse to go to sleep at bed time? This is the classic sign of a child who should be napping at school. Speak with the teachers and let them know what is occurring at home. More often than not, if the teacher ensures that the child is near to her during rest time, then the child will fall asleep. Also, if your child sleeps with an object at home bring it to school, this will help promote naps as well.

Children who have outgrown naps are children who exhibit their normal behaviors and mood consistently throughout the day. They are children who still go to bed at their normal bed time without a problem and wake up in the morning. Some children slide back and forth, some days they need a nap, and some days they are fine. For all children their should be a quiet rest or activity period throughout the day with a minimum length of 1/2 hour. Resting the body is vitally important for growth and recharging the brain. It also helps out us parents who need a bit of a recharge ourselves sometimes!

See Also:

Solving Naptime Problems: Baby-Place.com

Nap Time Transitions: Parenting.com

Nap Time: Parents.com

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Children need to learn to be social and how to interact without their parents. The best thing that you can do is talk to your child about school and all the fun things bout it. Make sure you learn all of the teachers names and explain to him the schedule of the day. When you drop off your child do it quickly walk them over to the designated area (or hand them to a teacher if they are crying) give a quick kiss and say goodbye. Do not sneak around the corner or look in from a window because if your child spots you it means you don’t trust the teachers in the school (so he won’t either) and it makes you emotional which can definitely affect your child.

Emotion is also something your child will feed off of so no matter how close you are to tears where the brightest smile when leaving and when saying goodbye. When picking your child up focus on what was good about school no matter what he says. He may say “I hate everything” or “we did nothing.” If this is the case talk about new friends or a picture he may have take home. Tell him about how much fun you had when you went to school. The most important thing you can do is give yourself and the teachers time. Also don’t compare your child to the one that isn’t crying.

Children show separation at different times and in different ways and they all show it at one time or another… This is a normal part of childhood. Take it from a mom whose son threw up for two weeks straight when he started preschool… they do learn to love it!

The best solution to solving behavior issues is to talk with your child. Don’t punish them again because chances are they were already punished at school. Also punishments a long period of time after the situation occurred really has no impact on a preschooler. If your preschooler won’t tell you what happened ask the teacher so that you may have a clearer picture of the situation when you discuss what occurred at home. Remember, never speak in front of the child and never chastise a child in front of their teacher. This will only lead to further problems.

So when is behavior a problem? If your child is repeatedly biting, or continually physically harming his teachers or peers, you may need to go a little bit further in exploring what is going on with your child. Reasons may vary from something as simple as your child not being ready for school, to the program not being the best fit for your child. Often a child that is acting out in such an extreme negative manner repeatedly is doing so because they are not happy in their environment or really may not have a positive relationship with his classroom teacher. Remember even as an adult, or personalities do not always click with our bosses or managers. Your child may also do better in a smaller program with a lower teacher to child ratio. They may be craving more personal attention and have come to the realization that negative attention is better than no attention at all. The bottom line is to put the needs of your child first. Always look at his verbal and nonverbal behavior’s as his way to communicate. Remember if your child is really acting out in behavior you have never seen before, start digging deeper!