Photo courtesy Lee Cullivan

10. Every child throws tantrums. This is a normal part of life. There is no terrible 2’s or 3’s, all children go through phases and it’s normal. I know parents who will tell you that their child is going through the terrible 16’s!

9. Your child WILL learn! So what if Suzie knows how to read and your child doesn’t. Each child learns at his own pace. When he is ready he will work with you and learn, so don’t push it!

8. Every child needs to make a mess. A 4 year old is just that, a 4 year old. Don’t get upset over every mess you see. This is part of the learning process and part of the fun! Remember messes most often means that your child was attempting to do something on his own, and that is progress.

7. Every child needs to be babied once in awhile. No I am not telling you to break out the bottle for your four year old, but every once in awhile your child may ask you to help them dress or put on their shoes. Yes they know how to do it, but every once in awhile they want the security of knowing that you are willing to still help them. Why not do it?

6. They won’t be children forever. Treasure those moments and relax. They will not be drawing on the walls at 16 and dropping milk all over the floor. Remember relax and stay calm!

5. Your child needs memories. When they are older it will be too late. You want your child to remember all the great times he had growing up. Remember this, on their death bed no one ever says they wish they had worked more.

4. Every child needs a caregiver. Even if it’s that ten minutes of story time or chatting at bath time your child craves your attention and interaction. The more you give the more you get. They would much rather be with you then in front of a television.

3. Your child will eat. I know the doctor always tells you that, but its true so don’t worry. Unless your child has a serious medical problem, they won’t let themselves starve. The more you make meal time a battle the less they will want to eat.

2. You are your child’s role model. If you curse, yell, or give attitude, so will your child. Remember your child will want to be like you.

Photo courtesy Pixdaus.com

1. Your child is not perfect. Thinking like this sets you both up for failure. Understand your child’s imperfections because you will then have an accurate picture of your child. You will be able to accept feedback and help your child grow into a wonderful human being. Remember, accepting weakness does not mean you are negating strengths. What it does mean is that you understand the life that you are nurturing. Remember only ostriches should keep their head in the sand.

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So your child loves to be social and chats with everyone on the street and you think it’s a wonderful thing…most of the time. There is that uncomfortable moment though where you notice that your 3 year old is giving out all of his personal information. How do we teach our child not to talk to strangers? This is a simple yet difficult topic to cover because we want our children to be social yet we need them to be a bit fearful. Here are a few simple tips that may help:

*Explain to your child what a stranger is. Tell them that a stranger is someone that you don’t know. Let them know that when a grown up is not around they should not talk or take anything from people they don’t know.

*Let your child know that there are nice and not-so-nice people in the world. Its okay to let your child know that not everyone wants to be their friend. As a matter of fact, its imperative that children understand this concept for their safety.

*You are not going to be able to stop a pre schooler from saying what everything, but you can control who they say it to. Use your internal radar! When you are out with your child and see someone approaching to talk to them, if they give off a strange vibe, walk away. Trust your instincts. Just because someone wants to speak or touch your child doesn’t mean they should. You are the best defense against strangers, You can smile and politely walk away,

*Check out John Walsh ’s How do I teach my child not to talk to strangers. It has many useful tips and is pretty kid friendly. Also check out your local book stores and find books! The Big Bad Wolf is a great example of a stranger that your child may understand.

In this scary world we live it is vitally important to protect your child. Help your child stay social but safe!

More info on keeping kids safe:

Kids & Strangers: not-for-profit, family safety DVD project that shows, parents and children how to avoid child molestation

Teaching Children to Avoid "Stranger Danger"

Top Five Ways to Protect Your Children Against Strangers

Strangers and Other Dangers from McGruff

Ask John Walsh: How Do I Teach My Child About Strangers?

There are books that can really help discuss relevant issues that your preschooler may have at school in a manner that makes it easily understandable. One such book that really shows us that we are all different and yet the same is " The Sneetches and Other Stories " by the wonderful Dr. Seuss . In the "Sneetches" Dr. Seuss shows children that the star belly sneetches are no better than the plain belly sneetches reinforcing to your child that all children are the same no matter how they look. The next story "the Zax" tells us why we have to be flexible. The story "Too many Daves" teaches us why we all have different names, and the last story about "The Pale Green Pants" teaches us all that even though we may be different their is nothing to be afraid of. Remeber that your preschooler may be experiencing different cultures and people for the first time and it is okay and normal for him to have questions. Having books and resources can help you have tricky conversations that may be a bit uncomfortable or hard to explain at a 3 year old level.

What Should I Read To My Toddler?

In a world full of horror and tragedy it is hard to keep our children in the safe world of fiction and fairy tale land. Reading to our children is one of the best and most important things we can do as parents because

*we enhance literacy skills at an early age

*we bond with our children

*we teach moral lessons

*we expose new ideas and to their world

*we have topics for discussion and interaction with our children.

*we can help our children understand the world around them in a non threatening way.

The question then become how do we choose the right book? A new website has launched whatkidsshouldread.com in an attempt to help parents solve this question. Like this site parents and children can rate and read reviews. These reviews are categorized and give a brief synopsis on what parent’s have found helpful. This site will help parents navigate this new world of fiction. So get reading today!

Back yet? My pre schooler spent hours on this site in the past few years. Even longer than games at nickjr.com and pbskids.org. By the way, PBSKids.org has some of the best online games for small children out there and they are still FREE. Stay tuned for a post entirely about the excellent games at PBSKids.

This wonderful game can be played in full at jacksonpollock.org or placed in your myspace/facebook page via widgetbox.com. See how many other people love this game at is StumbleUpon reviews page.

So you have the world’s pickiest eater and you are worried that he or she is super skinny! Well here are a few tips that will help your picky eater:

• Your child has managed to make it this far. Remember your idea of not eating anything and what they actually eat are completely different. So what if your child only eats 7 items. Feed them those 7 items. If your child likes macaroni and cheese, than that’s what you serve. By using those books such as “Deceptively Delicious” and the “Sneaky Chef” you can find ways to puree other ingredients into the foods they like without them knowing. You can also try mixing other veggies, meats, and fruits into items that they like. This might encourage them to try new things. Also no one says that their has to be certain foods that we eat for breakfast lunch and dinner. If your child likes Rice and Beans at every meal, than have it for breakfast! At least it’s something in their stomach!
• Recognize your child’s patterns. My son is not a big breakfast person but eats big lunches and small dinners. So I stopped fighting him on breakfast. I make sure he gets something in his stomach (in his case he likes toast with jam or mini muffins and milk) and I make sure I pack big lunches and have healthy food options. This way food stops being a battle. When you fight about foods it causes you to have a more resistant child who will not eat. All of our bodies are different and it’s important to take a look at what your child’s body is saying.
• Most children get some sort of junk food. Make sure your child understands that junk food is a treat. Do not serve it as meals all the time. If your child only wants corn chips for dinner, do not give in. Let her know that if and when she eats the meal chosen, then she can have the chips. If she refuses than don’t give in. Unless your child has a serious eating disorder, she will not allow herself to go hungry. When she is hungry she will eat the nutrition she needs.
• Let your child pick the meals she wants to eat. By letting her make the choice (its okay to give options) you are letting her take control of her food. Also, let her help make it if possible! Set rules at meal time such as: No treat foods until we are done, eating in one place, or putting only the amount of food we are going to eat on our plate. This helps provide structure to meals without being over bearing. Children love and crave structure.
• Always have a treat or reward for picky eaters. Whether it is a show or a special dessert, by having a positive reward the child looks forward to finishing their food. Avoid negative phrasings and punishment. Again, we don’t want to battle our children and make life harder. We want food to be fun! If your child doesn’t eat a meal, save the reward for the next meal. Don’t make a huge deal and throw the treat away or scream that they can’t have it and eat it yourself. By saying, “Don’t worry I am sure you will get your treat at the next meal” you are saying, I know you can do it. Positive reinforcement will help!

If you find that you have tried all of these things and your child is still eating nothing, speak with your doctor. If your child is not gaining weight she may have a more serious condition that a Nutritionist or physician can help you with, Remember hang in there, your child will not starve!

For further reading:

Children’s nutrition: 20 tips for picky eaters – Mayo Clinic

Picky Eaters. They Get It From You – New York Times

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Photo Courtesy of **spaceMonkey**

So your beautiful toddler goes off to the day care center and at pick up time the teacher tells you that your child has been caught lying. Embarrassment, anger, and frustration may start to creep in your mind, but my advice is relax! Chances are your child has lied at home, and even if he or she hasn’t you should not worry because this is an age appropriate reaction. Children at the mere age of 3 begin to understand how the world works around them. Part of understanding what that means is, figuring out that there are certain ways to get out of trouble! Of course they are going to try to lie to avoid being disciplined! It is how you react that will make all of the difference.

Here are a few tips to help you through:

*Don’t overreact. If your child lies at school chances are they have already faced the consequences of their actions. Its enough just to discuss with the child what occurred and express your disappointment. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes and that you can understand. Make it clear that although you are not happy with the mistake they made, what upsets you most is that they lied. This will reinforce the teacher’s punishment. Also let them know that the next time they lie in school you will be forced to add an additional consequence at home.

*If the lie occurs at home, then do not accuse the child of lying. This sets up the child to engage in an argument and lie even further. Instead stick to the facts (example: Timmy you say you didn’t color on the wall but I see your crayons, the wall colored, and it’s your height can you tell me how this happened?). If the child continues with the lie after you have pointed out the facts, let them know that you are disappointed that they did not tell you the truth. NEVER ACCUSE YOUR CHILD OF BEING A LIAR . It teaches them that you don’t trust them and creates such a negative connotation that you will be engaged in battles with your child for years to come. You want to teach your child that lying is wrong, not that they are bad for lying. Once your child has admitted the truth let them know that their mistake was just a mistake, but it was the lying that made it worse. Then let them know that while they have to fix their mistake, they need a consequence for the lie. I find that having the child help pick that consequence usually makes it more effective!

*Explain to your child what lying is. Let them know why it’s not okay to lie, and how people perceive them when they do. Read stories (i.e. “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” and “Lucy Tells Lies”) that discuss lying and show consequences. This will help your child understand the consequences of lying. Above all, don’t lie to your child! You are the example that they look up to. They need to trust your word and believe in you. If you don’t lie to them, eventually they will see that lying is wrong.

Remember, even though you may do the steps, your child may continue to lie and you may have to repeat these things all over again. The point is to keep the lines of communication open. Your child needs to understand that even if you have to have the ‘lying talk” with your child repeatedly you will. As long as you’re stern but loving with your child, eventually this lying phase will pass, and your child will learn that it is better to tell the truth! So hang in there!

See Also:

Children And Lying from American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry.
Getting Honest About Lying from IVillage
Three Lies Children Tell…and What You Can Do About Them
Telling lies: Info for Kids
Speaking To Your Child About Uncomfortable Topics…
When Is Your Child’s Behavior Inappropriate?

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• More Information on Teaching Autistic Children

Photo courtesy of Steve Navarro

In a world where Jamie Lynne Spears is pregnant at 16, and Lindsay Lohan has just come out of rehab, it is hard to find people to look up to. Gone are the days where icons such as Mary Tyler Moore and Marie Osmond were positive role models for young girls. We have now reached an era where Britney Spears is continually showing her private area, and as mothers it may be hard to find a way to counteract these negative images. Here are a few ideas to aid in assisting your child in finding her way through this media madness:

• Always be honest with your child. It is almost impossible to avoid the constant media attention to all the negative behaviors around, so explain to your child what they are seeing. Let them know that these “icons” are regular people who make mistakes. Explain to your child that these behaviors are inappropriate and unacceptable. Remember, if you try to avoid it, they will hear about it somewhere else and then might idolize or emulate that behavior. Things that are kept secretive and that parents don’t want to talk about are always more intriguing to children.
• Always watch who and what your children are interested in. Make time to listen to music, peruse the internet and watch her favorite shows. Sure “Hannah Montana” is not on the most fun list for an adult to watch, but by keeping in tune with what your daughter is interested you are able to provide feedback about the “stars” they idolize, making her realize that they are just real people. This will hopefully make her realize that celebrities are not role models.
• Provide positive role models for your daughter. Tell your daughter interesting things family members have accomplished. If your daughter enjoys sports, then go to the library and look up famous athletes together. If your daughter enjoys music and singing, introduce her to different eras or rock and roll or pioneer female musicians. By reading about different celebrities you are making them real. You can show your daughter that women can be strong and accomplish their goals. Do some research, whether it is family or past related and it will help you daughter realize there is more to life than just the celebrities of the day.

Above all remember that whether she admits it or not, you are your daughter’s ultimate role model. She will always look to you for guidance on how to live your life. As long as you communicate with her and are honest, your daughter will idolize you. So in a world where we must contend with Vanessa Hudgens being nude and Paris Hilton making sex tapes remember, all hopes are not lost. be real, be honest, and keep the lines of communication open. Your daughter will thank you for it !

Photo courtesy of Shermeee

Your preschooler is at an inquisitive age and seems to want to know all those questions that you are not prepared to answer: Where do babies come from, why do girls and boys have different body parts, why was the news talking about someone getting killed, or even why do some people have no home? These are just a few examples among a hundred questions your child may have. Now how to answer these questions may be difficult, especially when keeping a child innocent has become more and more difficult in the age we live in. Here are a few tips that may be helpful:

• Always be honest. Now this may sound strange, but remember you are the role model for your child, the one he trusts. If you lie and he figures it out, you have broken that trust and now your child may look for answers from less positive influences. You don’t have to tell the entire truth, but rather a modified acceptable version for a preschooler to hear (example: Mommy how do the babies get out of your belly? Answer: That’s what doctors do. They take the babies out for the mommies. Some mommies have their bellies cut, and some don’t) As long as you have answered the question honestly, when the child gets older he can come to you for the longer extended version of the answer when he is older.
• Never freak out. Now when your child overhears a word that is inappropriate like “sex” and comes to you and asks you what it means, your first reaction may be to wash his mouth out with soap and put him in time out. Remember chances are the child heard the word on the street and has no idea what it means. Ask him what it means and when he does not know you can let him know that certain words are inappropriate or bathroom words and should not be used. You can let him know that we should not use words that we don’t understand and let him know that the word he said was a grown up word and should not be used by a child. This way you have addressed what the word is but have not made the child feel that he cannot come to you.
• Never blame other children. Remember children speak and tell each other all sorts of things when parents are not around. Remember not every parent will monitor their child’s television or mind that they say certain things. Some parents even choose to tell their children the detailed truth on every topic. What you need to remember is that whatever the reason your child is friends with this child and they will speak. By telling your child, “Don’t play with Tommy” you are just making Tommy more interesting. You also cannot tell Tommy’s parents how to parent because that is none of your business. What you can do, is listen to what Tommy has told your child and let him know fact from fiction. Let him know what you deem appropriate and not. By doing this, your child will start to see that what Tommy has told him is inaccurate and he may lose interest in what he has to say. If Tommy is really saying inappropriate things, it would also help to speak to the teachers without your child knowing. This way they can address the problem and your child’s trust is not compromised.

Remember you want your child to feel comfortable enough to come to you with any and all questions. You want to be his resource from the start so that as he gets older you will continue to be that guide for him. Stay calm, cool, and collected and get ready for those conversations!

For further reading:
How to speak with your child about sex from MedicineNet.com

How to speak openly with your teen: from the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs

About Internet Safety from the BBC

Talking to Your Child About Menstruation

Talking to Kids about Inappropriate Touching

So your toddler is at pre school and you are wondering what exactly are they teaching. Also, is my child keeping up with the with the other children? Here are a few all important tips on what your child should be learning:

• The most important thing a child should be learning is socialization. This is your child’s first formal experience away from you. They need to learn how to listen to other adults, and interact with other children. It is hard to learn how to ask a child to play with you, or learn how to cope when someone hurts your feelings. Children should look forward to coming to school and feel safe and secure in their social environment.
• Toddlers should also be learning how to function in their classrooms. For the most part, child day care centers have structured days. It is hard for a child to understand the concept of following someone else’s rules. Children must learn how to sit in a circle, complete learning activities, and learn to follow a scheduled day. This can be difficult and takes time.
• In terms of actual learning concepts, pre schoolers should begin working on pre-writing skills, These activities include fine motor skills such as learning to color within the lines, using play-doh, practicing pouring water, and eating with a spoon, Once your child has mastered these skills they will move on to learning how to hold a pencil and drawing straight lines. After tracing straight lines your child should begin to work on tracing their names and letters. When this is completed children will move on to writing letters without tracing.
• Letter comprehension should also be taking place. Children should start off just being introduced to letters by singing the alphabet and introducing one letter sound at a time (example: the letter a makes the sound …aaa…). They should also be learning words that start with that same letter sound (apple, ant, ankle). After learning the letetrs and sounds children will then begin to orally sound words out.
• In terms of math concepts, children should be exposed to numbers and also understand their quantity ( the number 2 means something). After children understand what the numbers are, and that they have value, they will then begin to trace the number that they are working on. Children will work on writing at least the first 20 numbers and some will even learn to write to 100. Children who have learned this will also begin learning addition. Children will also learn money concepts and possibly how to count by 5′s and 10′s.
• In terms of social studies and science, children usually learn the basics of hygiene, weather and season, holidays, dinosaurs, planets, and solar system. These are just a few examples. Usually these thematic ideas are based on the school’s preference and not on a set standard of what children have to know. Other curriculum may include art or physical education depending on the school.

What I have written seems simple. What parents really need to understand is that all children learn differently and its up to the child what pace they learn at. Some children will end the year knowing how to read and some may just understand letters. Remember THIS IS FINE AND NORMAL. Children learn differently and and that does not make one slower or smarter. Remember this is preschool and not college! Children usually reach the same level by third grade. If your child is happy and loves going to school, at the end of the day… they are learning a lot!

See also:

Early Years Are Learning Years™ from naeyc.org

Helping young children start school from naeyc.org

A Homeschool Curriculum for Preschool and Kindergarten

Does your child have trouble falling asleep at a consistent bedtime if he takes a nap? If your child is going to bed later and later when he takes a nap, then chances are he no longer needs a nap.

Although, before you end the nap completely try a shorter nap first. Some children may still need a 1/2 hour of rest just to keep themselves energized. Then you can gradually move on to a quiet rest time or a quiet activity time,

Is your child cranky by 5 or 6pm? If your child is crying , overlay active, or just plain out driving you nuts by the late afternoon. Children will act totally out of character or have “melt downs” when they are exhausted. Even if your child fights you put him to sleep! He needs it, and his body language and behavior are telling you that.

Does your child come home from school, fall asleep for an hour, and then wake up and refuse to go to sleep at bed time? This is the classic sign of a child who should be napping at school. Speak with the teachers and let them know what is occurring at home. More often than not, if the teacher ensures that the child is near to her during rest time, then the child will fall asleep. Also, if your child sleeps with an object at home bring it to school, this will help promote naps as well.

Children who have outgrown naps are children who exhibit their normal behaviors and mood consistently throughout the day. They are children who still go to bed at their normal bed time without a problem and wake up in the morning. Some children slide back and forth, some days they need a nap, and some days they are fine. For all children their should be a quiet rest or activity period throughout the day with a minimum length of 1/2 hour. Resting the body is vitally important for growth and recharging the brain. It also helps out us parents who need a bit of a recharge ourselves sometimes!

See Also:

Solving Naptime Problems: Baby-Place.com

Nap Time Transitions: Parenting.com

Nap Time: Parents.com

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How to Get Your Pre Schooler to Sleep in Their Own Room!